Oh look, it’s September!
I am still experiencing major suckage at maintaining this site and my writing – whoops! I was surprised to see my last posts were in July, which I could have sworn was just two weeks ago.
“So, what’s new?”
I have serious disdain for that question, because I don’t think I have had a unique response to it since 2009, when my then-new divorce was über exciting news. Ever since then – what is there really to tell (and who really cares, anyway? Very few)? Not that it’s ever stopped me from spilling my thoughts here…I digress. Every time I run into someone I haven’t seen in awhile, as I awkwardly laugh and respond with the usual “eh, nothing new/SSDD” I realize how much things don’t really change, even when they’re so different.
“What are you working on?” is a similar question that inspires the same scorn. It’s basically a loaded question that leaves you feeling ashamed if you’re not hustling and bustling, busy to the brim of your physical body and soul. That’s why I loved this post:
What Are You Working On? Everything. Nothing.
I particularly connected with this excerpt:
“BUT IN 2016 SOMETHING SNAPPED AND I COULDN’T HANDLE WORKING ON EVERYTHING BUT MY OWN SPIRIT ANYMORE.
“When people ask this I feel like I want to say, “Myself. I’m working on being the healthiest, happiest version of myself. And it doesn’t have anything to do with work. Or creation. Or writing.”
“Just say that.” My friend replied, “It’s the most important work of all.”
And I decided that she’s right. I shouldn’t feel ashamed to be honest about where I’ve been and back or how little I’ve been creating. And even if I know I’m working harder on other things, I shouldn’t have anxiety about what I do or “don’t” have to show for it.”
Also, this – Addicted to Self-Improvement
When I started writing, I really jumped into it, full-speed ahead. The results were that I was writing for a bunch of sites almost immediately and it was really exciting – until it… wasn’t. I was also attending lots of networking events and volunteering as well – I was all go-go-go for awhile. The end result was that I felt drained with deadlines, responsibilities, and working full-time. I feel like I shouldn’t even say that – there’s this ever-present guilt about saying something like that, and about not writing much or at all. After all, I was doing well with it, so I can’t just give that up – right? Except that I haven’t really been writing as much now since last November (when my dad got sick), and I just haven’t circled back in the same way. I have definitely worked on showing myself compassion with all things considered, but the truth is that I am not sure what my intentions are for my writing at this present moment. And, that’s okay.
Also, I am working on me. I’ve gone through lots of different things in the past few years, and while it sounds so cheesy – or millennial – to say, I have made a really strong effort to just focus on myself and caring for me. That’s about all I can manage right now – can any of you relate?
One more for the road – A Case Against Optimizing Your Life
With love + rosé,