Congrats, you’ve survived this much of 2020. You’re basically a superhero.
Where to start… as with so many of the thoughts in my head lately, I put off writing as it just seems like a lot to unpack in the moment. It’s a lot like when you haven’t seen a bestie in a hot minute and need to fill her in on what’s new… and all the details are important. This post is going to be extra heavy on the deets… and the “woo woo.”
In the beginning of the year, I posted about my goals/intentions, which are all going swimmingly, if I do say so myself. No, really – I’m serious. I am rocking this thing called 2020, despite all the chaos surrounding us right now. Finances are looking good, I am taking good care of my physical health, and generally have no complaints.
However, there is one particular goal I want to revisit – here’s a specific tidbit I wrote:
I am thinking about my spirituality more and more. This is a bunch of different things to me – but I’ve been thinking about my relationship with God a lot, and I feel different about it than I used to. I am not sure where this is taking me yet, but it’s something I am looking to explore more in 2020. I think I just want to feel closer and know more about it.
Ask and ye shall receive. Buckle up, this is a long story.
In the beginning of the year (thinking February, though it’s all a blur at this point), one of my friends went to a group reading for a medium and tarot card reader. I have wanted to see a medium for awhile, but wanted to be sure that whoever I was going to was legit… and it’s kind of difficult to figure out how to know that. So, like so many things, the idea was put aside.
That day I was out and about and stopped at the farmers market when I met an older man who was wearing a Vietnam Vet hat. He was incredibly sweet and saw me struggling with all my fruit, and let me go first in line despite the fact that he was there first (and wouldn’t hear my protests). It was a really nice, kind exchange, and it really warmed my heart tbh. But once I got in my car, a wave of emotion overcame me and I started to cry – he reminded me so much of my father, and I said the words out loud – “I miss you, Dad.” I cried on the ride home but was composed once I got home and left it in the moment; I didn’t tell anyone about the man, or that I got upset because there was no reason to. While I still mourn the loss of my father and always will, the actual breakdowns are fewer and farther in between, and I consider them to be normal when they happen.
Later that evening, I wished my friend good luck and to let me know how her experience went. She had lost her brother, and I was hoping he would come through to ease some of the grief she had in losing him. She agreed to touch base afterwards to talk it through.
Within an hour, she sent me an abrupt text.
She called me right after and filled in the details of how it even came to be, and she was shook. In typical dad form, he was even gruff with her – when it wasn’t clicking who Tom was, the medium said – he isn’t here for you, but has a message for someone who you are very close to and consider like family (and she apparently described me). Needless to say, I cried all that night – happy tears, but I cried so much that my eyes were super swollen. I then told everyone about my earlier episode – is that why he showed up, to reassure me? I will never know, but it was the start of it for me. I knew I had to see this medium in person – and not just for me, but my mom. My friend also heard from her brother, and she detailed the other experiences others had at this reading. Too many details to call it coincidence, and super emotional. Great – I got her info and reached out.
As you could expect from someone who is successfully connecting you to your loved ones who are no longer here, she’s a busy lady. Her actual group readings for Thursdays – weekends are booked until NOVEMBER (and this was back in February, I can’t imagine now). I managed to settle on a Wednesday in June, which felt sooo far away at the time. Then the coronavirus hit and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to see her. Luckily that didn’t happen, and we had our reading on June 17th.
The whole experience was honestly beyond my wildest expectations.
I wasn’t sure how all of this worked per se – my friend had said the medium reviews the ‘rules’ when she gets started, and one of her statements is that this isn’t really a Verizon wireless long distance call. Generally the spirit will share their message and that’s what she has to interpret through whatever way they communicate this to her. So, that was kind of true, but not completely. She said the long distance comment but also said if there is something you want to know and they’re not mentioning, bring it up. Ok, cool. So, my expectation was that my dad wouldn’t really have a message for me because I got it last time, and I figured he would focus on my mom, sister, niece, or my son, who were also present. And, that’s if he even showed (though he would have to, right?!) because again, how the heck does this work?
In keeping this as short as possible, I will say that right off the bat, the medium was hitting facts and names of people out of the park. Followed with details, random details sometimes. Then my dad strolled on in, and over to me. This lady proceeded to look at me, tell me my father was showing her my foundational energy – and she told me essentially my life story as far as my ex-husband. She told me how I overcame and kicked ass, and my father wants me to know how proud he is of me that I finally am honoring myself. That once I was hiding behind that brick wall, but now I am standing firmly atop it. I am honestly doing the actual explanation no justice, but everyone in that room was all “oh my God.” She said I essentially lost who I was at one point and my aura was literally fractured and in pieces (which she apparently fixed). She then proceeded to go into detail on what caused my ex to be the way that he is, which was also on point… it was unreal. My father then talked to my son and my mother, and he answered some of the questions my mom has grappled with after his death, as well as giving her kudos for all her love and care while he was sick. The medium detailed memories my dad had with my son… it was wonderful.
I honestly felt like I healed a lot just from the secondhand medium experience with my friend. I knew that my Dad was out there, that he could communicate with me. I felt literally so much on my shoulders just fall off – I felt light. But this one on one experience and the information I received next was on another level.
Letting you know now – if you hadn’t already suspected – this is a really big “woo woo” alert coming at you, so now’s the time to peace out if you’re not into that. If you don’t believe in things or aren’t sure what you believe, I totally get it. I wasn’t there too long ago. I should clarify: I always felt like I believed in God, but I didn’t honor that by trying to practice my faith or have any actual relationship. I actually hadn’t tended to trust a lot of people who are full on “bible thumpers” as in my experience, the ones I have known are very judgmental, hypocritical, and well, not nice- but I digress.
I think I have struggled with religion in the past because it’s so formal and structured – and hypocritical. At least, I find Catholicism to be hypocritical. “No one can judge except God” and yet being gay is not allowed… I could go on and on but I won’t bore you with my opinions. I just need you to picture someone who really isn’t the definition of religious and doesn’t even know the Bible that well. I just always believed that ‘my’ God loves me and isn’t hoping for our fear… just a relationship with us. With that in mind, I started to do my own version of praying late last year, sometime before the new year. It’s just talking, just like I would talk to a friend. I pray for me, I pray for others. I thank Him for the things I am grateful for, and I had funny feelings some of the stuff I talked about or asked for were responded to by things that happened – or things I would come across. I also asked him to help me be close to Him since I don’t really know how. Then one night as I was praying, I felt this overwhelming sense that God was there. I felt intense joy and warmth, for no reason at all. I had never been so sure of something that I had absolutely no evidence of. I understand how insane that sounds, believe me, and I told no one about it for exactly that reason – lol. That is, until a friend and I were discussing spirituality back in May.
That sparked a whole conversation between the differences – religious vs. spiritual. How many dimensions and realms are there? Essentially she said it’s too much to wrap your head around for us – and they have told her as such. However, she recommended “Conversations With God,” which I have just started reading, and WOW. It literally reinforces every belief I have ever wondered about God so far (or believed deep down). I feel like I got the key to the secret of life or something. The Christ energy also gave me a literal name to be aware of (though I don’t know in what context… romantically? mentor?) and a month…so tbd. I was also told to invoke a particular source to help guide me to my divine purpose. Either way, this doesn’t do the experience justice and definitely sounds insane in a post, but I don’t care. The fact that He showed up to validate me and my experiences and thoughts…this lady couldn’t have known all of this. I can’t explain how I have felt since then, and even in reading the books she recommended. I am just so happy.
I have never been so SURE of something… and myself. It also tells me that all those times I thought I knew something and it happened, that I wasn’t imagining it. I have always thought maybe I was sensitive, and the times that I knew how people felt without seeing them or talking to them or anything…only for them to confirm… it’s not a coincidence, I KNEW. It’s a pretty amazing feeling. Oh, and my dad then made a joke about hanging out with Jesus – lol.
On a less exciting but equally as insane note, I was so affected by the energy that I actually got physically nauseous and had a horrific headache – which the medium literally cleared my headache (yeah, I can’t stop reiterating how crazy this all felt to all of us that were there. Unfortunately I still ended up throwing up, though).
All of it was crazy – but a good crazy. And the point?
Life is but a blip on the screen. Our time in these physical forms are such a small part of the overall picture. And all that bullshit from the past? It literally doesn’t matter. I am saying that to me, and I am saying it to you. I wish I could give people the peace I now feel, which is why I am bothering to detail any of this. Read the books – I am not even done yet, but it’s worthwhile. And get to know God. ❤